Molly was early for a few physical milestones, I was shocked when she rolled over on her own at 2 months and bursting with pride when she walked at 8 months. She kept getting stronger, but with her growth, some things were just a little late. She didn't really start talking until she was 3 and by the time she got through kindergarten, I knew that we were going to be in for the long haul with school. She came home with "homework" that we struggled to complete in under 2 hours, in kindergarten. She just wasn't keeping up with reading and math. As time went on, I accepted that she would need more support. Then came her dad passing. Then we got hit with Covid and then, type 1 diabetes. This kid just never could get a break. She liked going to school, but struggled with the other kids and just couldn't do more than the bare minimum to keep moving forward. On more than one occasion I secretly wished we were in a school district that didn't focus on college preparation so much...
5th grade got even worse and after a year of brutally bad issues with depression, blackout rages, regular screaming episodes and breaking things, I finally sought help for her behaviors. I struggled to find a pediatric psychiatrist, she had several therapists that didn't work out and even one of the doctor's at her PCP's practice told me to just have her "focus on protein and get outside a play more" for her behaviors. I left that appointment livid for several reasons, but at the end of the day, her normal PCP finally listened to us and got her started on an antidepressant. As a nurse, it was a really frightening time for me, I can't help but worry about the long term side effects of medications, especially in kids. But it did help, it took some time and tweaking, and she did end up having some unwanted side effects, but things got better. They got better in that she no longer had the rage and social problems, she made friends and settled into school. She continued to struggle with school and on went the long and tedious process of obtaining and 504 and eventually an IEP so that her school would have to give her more support to get her work done. Enter a bully in 6th grade. She had a friendship with a girl who is a good kid, but when that friendship ended, she had a hand in making sure that the entire class that they were in turned on Molly. She was getting jump scared and laughed at every single day. The teacher did nothing to stop it and until I forced them to change her classroom, things got so bad that she emptied out her locker, came home from school and said she was never going back. She came home telling, not asking. That was the official beginning of our ADHD diagnosis and treatment. Her PCP again listened to us, gave more time than he could bill for, guided us through all of the documentation we had to get together and left us feeling like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Over that first few months, we tried several different medications, some of which were simply unavailable because of shortages and others that have demonstrated great results, but weren't covered by her insurance. Eventually, we landed on Adderall. Starting that drug was easily in the top 5 hardest decisions I ever had to make. When we went for that appointment, the PA that was working with her PCP asked me if my family had any history of sudden cardiac arrest. Fortunately the answer was/is no, but still. I couldn't believe that we were starting an amphetamine for my little girl. She started it before the following school year and it has definitely made a difference. She still struggles with organization and time management, but she has the tools she needs to keep working on it. She has a therapist she loves, she has the medication she needs and she has the support from her team at school. I know she will make it though and get to adulthood with enough tools.
On the other hand, I have had to make so many changes to my parenting style. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I can "remind" and ask for things to get done more than 15 times and she still won't do it unless I'm standing there watching her. He diabetes is still not managed, I live in constant fear that she's going to end up with serious long term complications. Living under that kind of pressure 24/7 has taken it's toll. I burned out at work, going from being in grad school full time, working full time, eating healthy, exercising daily, keeping somewhat of an active social life and doing enough to keep our house together to needing 10-12 hours of sleep a night, taking time off school, working part time and barely keeping up with household chores. I'm trying, but god damn is it hard. I spent the last 6 months literally not being able to digest my food, only to have workup after workup come up negative. I'm grateful that I'm not really sick, but that means that it is literally in my head. I have been under so much stress, so much pressure for so many years that I can't eat more than a little kid. My body has forced me to stop, listen to it, take a pause before I eat and rest. I have found that 16:8 intermittent fasting has been helpful too. My whole body needs a rest, my mind and my gut especially. I can do that. I'm lucky enough to have access to remote work and I can write during the few good working hours I have every day. There is still hope, I may not get back to my hard core hustle self, but I will absolutely get through this rough patch, with more life skills to boot.
All of this has been hard, it's been a rough last 7 years no doubt, but some good has come from it. I know first hand how hard it is to do what I'm doing, and I have been able to leverage that knowledge with writing. I've gotten this blog up and running, and I wrote a book on handling the stress of raising a kid with ADHD. I hope that people will be able to use it as a guide and companion and as a roadmap to navigating the medical and school systems in the US. It's the book I wish I'd had when we first started down this path. I'm a nurse, but my specialty is in hospice, not kids with behavioral issues. I know I'm not alone and I hope that I can help some other struggling parents feel that too.
Check out my book here! https://a.co/d/78ZR3DH
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